Thursday, January 26, 2012

5 reasons to abandon social etiquette

i was excited when my whole family got iphones. and then i stopped being excited about it.
1/13/12 8:55 AM @RainnWilson - "You guys wanna hang out and fiddle with our phones?"

I'm sorry, I love my iphone as much as the next person, but I cannot deny that it has become increasingly alarming to me how much people are on their phones. I mean ALL THE TIME. I have made it a goal for myself to keep my phone put away when I am with other people. It's very hard when the people you are with do not have the same goal in mind. So, in pondering this, I decided there are probably some good times to have your phone out.

1. Say you're sitting on the couch with the person you like. You should probably have your phone out, perusing your contacts, sending a short text, checking your twitter or even playing a game like Temple Run. That way, the person you like will be very aware that you have a lot of cool people talking to you, and you aren't taking him/her very seriously at the moment. 

2. When watching a movie, you should definitely have your phone out. Everyone loves it when you have to keep asking "what just happened?" because you've been looking at Pinterest religiously on your new app. 

3. If you're at someone's birthday party, you definitely want your phone available. There is no need to socialize with other people at the party when you can just look on Facebook and watch everyone "check in" at Brian's house. Hey! You're there too! Better join in on the fun! Hurry, you should write on the Birthday girl's wall so that she knows you were thinking about her. Now... where's the cake?

4. Your phone is always handy if you're having a deep and personal conversation with someone. This sends them the message that no matter what they're going through, you have stuff going on too. And most of it is in your phone. I mean, did you see that e-mail Joey sent you today? Ridiculous. Why couldn't he just figure it out on his own? I'm sorry, what were you saying?

5. Phones are good for hand-holding situations too. If someone wants to hold your hand, you just hold your phone up and say, "sorry, this hand is occupado." Then switch phone hands if the person tries to catch you off guard by changing positions. Never just tell someone you aren't interested. Use your phone! Works every time.

p.s. I understand that this post is pointing out many of my friends and family. (and sometimes myself.) I'm not sorry.


  1. no one really appreciates your sarcasm.

  2. Ha ha i love this. I don't have an iphone/smartphone, but i definitely think some of these apply to even dumb phones like mine

  3. You are hilarious. Perfect satire.


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