let me tell you how i really feel

There was a moment today at school when I got a little upset. It was at the end of math time, most of the kids were running around the room playing with ipods - quietly - in the quiet way that kids do when they need to be quiet, but can't help but move. There was one little boy with his head down, on his desk. So I walked over, to ask if something was wrong, and noticed he was crying. That tough little kid, the one who always does the right thing -or at least has the best intentions, but sometimes puts his foot in his mouth - he was crying. So of course, I wanted him to talk to me, to tell me what was wrong. Because there are some kids who just cry. But there are other kids who really mean it when they cry, and this was one of those times.

And before I knew it, he was opening up to me. Tears streaming down his little face. Telling me that he felt dumb. That everyone else finished math before him, so he felt dumb. The thing is, he's not dumb. So I told him, I told him how sometimes people just need to take their time, and maybe he was one of those people, but his answers were right, and he's not dumb. He accepted that, but kept crying, words tumbling out about how his sister is smarter than him, and he's jealous. Jealous because he feels like his parents are proud of his sister, and not him.

Heaven help me if I ever let my kids walk out of my house without feeling like I'm proud of them. Or out of my future classroom either. I cannot stand looking into those little kids eyes and knowing that they feel inadequate, or unloved, or unimportant.

So I guess here is where I let all of you know, whoever, wherever you are... if your kids ever come in contact with me, be prepared for them to have a ridiculously wonderfully high self esteem. And be prepared for me to expect you to have some part in that as well.

p.s. kids and kittens guys... these are the keys to my happiness. and i guess also snuggling and hugs and kisses. but i mean, that's not too much to ask for.