It was the first warm day for what seemed like years. I spent most of it with that crinkly feeling inside my stomach, and a nervous heart that kept me from listening to a word my professors had to say. When class was finally over, I hurried down the sidewalk to the bus stop as quickly as I could without looking foolish. Finally stopping near my apartment, I made my way to my apartment, bumping into people if they were too slow in front of me, and praying that my roommate was home so we could go shopping.
In the mall I immediately find the shirt that I want. But how do I know that it's the one? So we wander from store to store trying other things on. Nothing speaks to me like the yellow shirt in the store downstairs. And I know that I don't like wearing yellow because of what it does to my eyes... but this time it feels right. So I buy it.
Get home, take a shower, eat some tater tots (?), do make-up, put on favorite True Religion jeans, yellow shirt, white jacket, beaded necklace.
And when someone knocks on the door right on time, it's all I can do to not have a panic attack. I immediately run around the corner pretending that I wasn't near the door when he got there. My roommates answer the door, giggling and smiling, and not acting casual at all. Thanks, guys.
We leave the apartment, and I try not to be too awkward. Why would this be weird? We've known each other for months. We've held hands. We've talked until four in the morning.
Dinner is wonderful. We go somewhere I have never been, and I try something I don't usually get. Nerves fade away.
The movie he picked is perfect. Something he wouldn't normally watch, that's for sure, but he knows how badly I wanted to see it. And after it's over he says, "Is it bad to admit I actually did like that?" We smile.
On the drive we're chatting like normal, but my anxiety comes back when I hear the words, "Do you want to go for a walk?" coming out of his mouth. In a split second I consider all of my options, but in the end, I choose to say yes. It's not such a big deal... to go on a walk.
He pulls the car into the parking lot of First Dam, and we get out. It's got to be around ten at night, but I'm not even cold at all. I turn around to see where he is, and then we head down toward the water. We talk quietly, because it's dark, and for some reason at night when you're alone it doesn't seem right to disrupt the peace with loud noises.
Our walk consists of walking the short distance down the dock. Once we get to the end, we first lean against the railing and watch the stars. Speaking to each other as always, listening and laughing. Conversation was never a problem.
After a while it gets chillier, and he puts his arms around me to keep me warm. We stand like this for a long time, me with my head on his chest staring at the water. Him looking who knows where, with that baseball cap on his head that he always wore.
Our conversation never halts, but the nerves keep coming back every now and then. We both know why we're here, and I know he's not going to leave until his plan happens perfectly.
So, when I know it has been far too long, standing there on that dock, watching the water and the ducks and the headlights on the distant mountainside, I look up at him.
I look at him, he looks at me,
and then it happens.
March 3, 2009.
p.s. summer?
p.p.s. I would like to make a revision on this day, August 13, 2013 and say that it actually was true love, so take that.
In the mall I immediately find the shirt that I want. But how do I know that it's the one? So we wander from store to store trying other things on. Nothing speaks to me like the yellow shirt in the store downstairs. And I know that I don't like wearing yellow because of what it does to my eyes... but this time it feels right. So I buy it.
Get home, take a shower, eat some tater tots (?), do make-up, put on favorite True Religion jeans, yellow shirt, white jacket, beaded necklace.
And when someone knocks on the door right on time, it's all I can do to not have a panic attack. I immediately run around the corner pretending that I wasn't near the door when he got there. My roommates answer the door, giggling and smiling, and not acting casual at all. Thanks, guys.
We leave the apartment, and I try not to be too awkward. Why would this be weird? We've known each other for months. We've held hands. We've talked until four in the morning.
Dinner is wonderful. We go somewhere I have never been, and I try something I don't usually get. Nerves fade away.
The movie he picked is perfect. Something he wouldn't normally watch, that's for sure, but he knows how badly I wanted to see it. And after it's over he says, "Is it bad to admit I actually did like that?" We smile.
On the drive we're chatting like normal, but my anxiety comes back when I hear the words, "Do you want to go for a walk?" coming out of his mouth. In a split second I consider all of my options, but in the end, I choose to say yes. It's not such a big deal... to go on a walk.
He pulls the car into the parking lot of First Dam, and we get out. It's got to be around ten at night, but I'm not even cold at all. I turn around to see where he is, and then we head down toward the water. We talk quietly, because it's dark, and for some reason at night when you're alone it doesn't seem right to disrupt the peace with loud noises.
Our walk consists of walking the short distance down the dock. Once we get to the end, we first lean against the railing and watch the stars. Speaking to each other as always, listening and laughing. Conversation was never a problem.
After a while it gets chillier, and he puts his arms around me to keep me warm. We stand like this for a long time, me with my head on his chest staring at the water. Him looking who knows where, with that baseball cap on his head that he always wore.
Our conversation never halts, but the nerves keep coming back every now and then. We both know why we're here, and I know he's not going to leave until his plan happens perfectly.
So, when I know it has been far too long, standing there on that dock, watching the water and the ducks and the headlights on the distant mountainside, I look up at him.
I look at him, he looks at me,
and then it happens.
March 3, 2009.
p.s. summer?
p.p.s. I would like to make a revision on this day, August 13, 2013 and say that it actually was true love, so take that.
I love it. I was freaking out during while reading this as if I didn't know what would happen. Memories make me happy. I cannot believe this was only two years ago.
ReplyDeletehaha it seems like a lifetime ago.. makes for a good story though!
ReplyDelete