i'd go back and try to change it, but i can't

I go through the day thinking about it. Wondering when... checking every few minutes to make sure. Nothing. There is nothing. And as the disappointment settles in, I find myself considering what to do next. Maybe I'll just... I'll only say... and then I remember.

Sitting on the grass in the twilight of summer, the warm air caresses our bare arms and legs, and all I hear are crickets chirping. 

"I think it's usually my fault," he says, "I always end up taking them for granted."

My stomach squirms with that old familiar feeling and I look up at the faint appearing stars. "That is what happens to me. I get taken for granted."

And he nods in agreement, because we both know it is going to happen.

That day when I put my hand on the doorknob thinking he'll never break MY heart, was the day I vowed to never be taken for granted again. 

So I stop considering what to do, turn out the light, and fall asleep.

p.s. it's all an illusion, a trick.