i am a shade of bright pink

via 

Disclaimer: This is not a picture of me. If you couldn't tell. 

Right now I am sitting on my bed, wearing pink lipstick in my pajamas. That's why that picture is there, because, I tried to take pictures of myself in the lipstick, but they were weird. So I found a picture I thought could accurately represent me. We have the same haircut kinda, and the lipstick, and look! She's even wearing a blue and white striped shirt.

The point is: I bought bright pink lipstick. I have it in my possession. It's sitting on my bathroom counter. And the truth is, I really like it. 

But the other truth is... I'm afraid of it. 

I want to be one of those girls who wears whatever they want, and doesn't care. But I've always been one of those people who doesn't like being the center of attention. And this lipstick definitely calls attention to me. So what to do? 

I think the problem is, I'm afraid to really be me. When actually, that's all I want. To be me. Because believe it or not... I like me.

I like me.

And I like pink lipstick.

So I should wear it, right? What do I have to lose?

p.s. i have SO MUCH stuff to pack. it's crazy. absolutely nuts.

I'll be who you need me to be

This weekend I saw Eat Pray Love with my mother at the Kaysville Theater. It just really got me thinking, you know, about life.

When I was younger, I used to read these 'coming of age' books. I remember reading about the characters going through all of this crazy stuff until they 'found themselves'. This 'finding yourself' concept always bothered me. It scared me actually. It was probably one of my worst fears. I cowered from the thought of the day that I might have to find myself. That I might have to go through some crazy life trial in order to FIND MYSELF.

find myself find myself find myself find myself find myself

When I made it through high school without feeling that need to find myself, I considered myself lucky. Maybe everyone didn't have to go through that. Thank goodness.

Now I'm in my third year of college. And I'm thinking, did I ever do it? Did I find myself?

Maybe I should travel the world and eat pasta, and pray with Indians, and find a Brazilian man to love.

It really seems to be my only option.

p.s. A car keeps honking outside my window. I'm sorry, but is something wrong? Are you having an emergency? Get out of your car and take care of it.