Tuesday, July 19, 2011


It was one of those spring nights in Logan. You know, the one where the air is warmer than it has been, so you want to be outside, but still slightly chilly. And you're fighting the shivers as if to say to the atmosphere, "I am not going to feel how you want me to feel."

So we're sitting on the steps of my porch. My roommates are inside, laying on their mattresses in the living room, laughing at the television.

It's kind of surreal, me, looking at the stars, and you, looking anywhere but me. I knew this was coming. For the past two weeks I've been trying to prevent it. By doing all the wrong things, apparently.

"My roommates love you," you say. 
But not you, I think.

"You're so great. So fun to be around."
Not fun enough, I think.

"You've been so nice to me these past two weeks. Nicer than I've been to you."
Yes. This is how it always ends. Me being too nice. Since when was that such a bad thing?

"And it's just, we're going separate ways. I'm staying here, and you're leaving and going off to EFY and such. And I just don't see myself driving down to see you. I'm going to stay here."

And I want to tell you that I hate this. Not the fact that you and I are ending. Just the fact that you don't think I'm worth driving for. You aren't excited enough to see me that it matters to you. That I've been so nice lately, you haven't had a chance to miss me. And I want to tell you that I'm not ok with it, that I'm sick of being the person in the relationship who actually cares enough to make an effort. And when will I ever find a boy who thinks I'm worth it?

But I don't say that.
"Ok," I say, "If that's what you want."
But the atmosphere collects my real thoughts. I'm not going to feel how you want me to feel.

p.s. harry potter in imax today? don't mind if i do.


  1. ok madeline... i know it seems like i stalk your blog, but it's simply because i do. but you should know, i love your blog and the way you write!!


  2. Madeline, you are worth driving for


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