letter to the editor

this is me at work. i took the liberty of making a collage for your viewing pleasure. so there you have it. enjoy!

I'm not taking it back.

Oh, no. 

I meant every word I said.

But words in the heat of the moment aren't the only ones I have.

And the harder ones to say, the ones of love, they're still here.

Scarier to write or say.

Scarier because they're more real.

But I'll say them. Why not? 

I ran everyone through with a spear of words, so I might as well put a band aid on it.

You made me laugh. I loved the way we could sit and talk for hours, and it never got old. I loved the cute way you asked to hold my hand, and when you taught me how to play Halo. I have to admit when I think of you, I do focus on the bad times. Because it makes me so sad to remember the good. The sincerity in your eyes when you asked me not to go away to school. To stay with you forever. Laying in your driveway... didn't you know that's why I loved that day so much? I loved the way you saved me. You were exactly what I needed. I was broken and you fixed me. You taught me not to settle. I loved what a good person you were. Good to the core. Always there to help, always there to take care of me. I loved that you caught me off guard, loved the way you made me nervous. I love the way we talked, unafraid to say anything to each other. I could be myself around you. I loved the way you said sweet things to me. And all the plans we made. How things seemed to fall into place so perfectly. I loved how funny you were. How you made me remember what it was like to have a crush on someone. And you. I loved not knowing what was going to happen next. I loved flirting with you, joking with you, laughing with you. And I loved feeling safe around you, trusting you.

You all taught me a little something.

And I love you for it.

p.s. christmas music is playing in my head... bad? good? i don't care. it makes me happy.

anonymous

Hey you. Yes, you. Gave me my first kiss and then got back together with your ex-girlfriend a week later. I hated that. That sucked. Really, pretty heartless, you know? And I heard you didn't treat her that well either. Well, whatever. Forget you. And oh yeah, can't forget you. You forgot me. All the time. Bottom of the priority list... all the time. I've never cried so much in my whole life compared to that time with you. And so what? You, who appeared to have everything, but couldn't see it right in front of you. Pushed me aside because everything else in the world was more important. And how about you? Getting mad at me because I couldn't decide what I wanted. Forcing me to decide I didn't want you. And maybe it's so annoying to me that you worked so hard to get me to like you that when I finally did, it wasn't enough for you. I was too nice to you. Whatever. And how was I supposed to know that you were treating every girl exactly the same as me? I was stupid to think that I was somehow more special in your eyes. Oh well. The whole time I thought that you were the one for me, but when I gave you the option of sticking around, you ran away as quick as possible. Well thanks. Thanks for making it really easy for me to forget about you. And as far as you go, I liked you. Don't sit there and make it sound like I had it wrong the whole time, like I was dumb for believing you liked me too. I deserve a lot more respect than for you to act like nothing happened between us. But if that's how you want it, fine.

I'm done.

(but really though, I'm not done... eh eh eh eh let's go!!... name the song.)

p.s. you know those times when you know exactly what you're going to say, but when you get to the situation, your words disappear? this is an ode to that feeling. get it all out there.