here's a story for you.

i think i've used this picture before. but it's the only one i have of being at work.

Work. Monday, November 14, 2011.

The day started out on a rough note, which I can attribute to the fact that my supervisor, Pam, seemed to be in a bad mood, and her attitude was making me anxious. Anxiety causes me to make silly mistakes, and this definitely was not helping anything. For instance, the phone rang, and it was a man who asked to speak with Pam, and when I told her, she asked me to transfer the line. 

It was the first time I’ve ever been asked to transfer a call, so I had to hurry and look up how, but I got it transferred and it was no problem. Pam seemed to think it was a big problem, which I felt bad about, but I continued on doing my job. 

I was doing my daily little tasks, and when I finished I asked if there was anything else Pam needed me to do. She asked me to come in her office and shut the door.

I became a victim of a very dry mouth.

I went in and sat on a chair and shut the door.

She looked at me with a patronizing face and said, “I don’t think this job is a good fit for you.”

I stared at her in shock. “You don’t?”

Her face remained the same, “I don’t think the job is really clicking for you. I mean, not being able to transfer a call?”

“I’m sorry Pam, I’ve never had the opportunity to transfer a call before, so I needed to refresh my memory really quickly.”

“You’ve never had to transfer a call before?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s other things too, like when you forgot to give people their mail…?”

“It’s a long list, and It just slipped my mind, I’m sorry. I haven’t forgotten since!”

“Well what about a few weeks ago when I asked you to read through your manual and tell me if you had any questions? I never heard anything from you about it.”

“I didn’t have any questions…” I was starting to feel really weird about the conversation.

“It just seems like the job isn’t clicking for you,” she repeated. “I don’t know if it’s because you don’t like it, or because you just don’t get it, but it’s really not working out. So I think next Tuesday will be your last day.”

“Ok.” Utterly confused and shocked, I walked out of her office in a daze.

I realized that I had been fired.

Ousted.

Let go.

After only a month and a half of working at a job I loved. A month and a half of doing a job I thought I was good at. In fact, I KNEW I was good at. Pam had constantly been telling others how good I was at my job. And the mistakes she had mentioned had been one-time new-person mistakes that I definitely never made again. 

And as I continued thinking about this... I felt like something was wrong with the situation. It just seemed like pieces of the puzzle were missing.

Come to find out... I was right.

To be continued.

p.s. names have been changed.

you. are. loved.

via

"See you guys later!" I called as I got out of the car.

I walked across the grass to my house, feeling oh, so tired.

Climbing up the stairs, I crossed my fingers that the door would be open.

And as I pressed down on the cold metal handle, I thought to myself that I felt sad.

I felt sad and I was ok with it, which is a rare thing in itself.

Usually I'll do anything to push that feeling away.

But I pressed the handle down, and for a moment, I let myself feel everything. Every little thing.

Things fall apart.

I read a book called that my senior year of high school.

I remember loving the book.

I don't remember the details of what it was about.

Anyway, it's true, isn't it? Things definitely do fall apart.

It happens suddenly sometimes.

Gradually, other times.

And usually I bounce back fairly quickly.

But I don't know what will happen this time.

Honestly, you guys, I cannot remember a time in my life that has been like this.

Where EVERYTHING is falling apart.

Nothing is going according to plan.

And I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, and I'm not doing a bad job.

I can see that things will work out in the future.

But right now...

Those thoughts.

Those creeping achy thoughts.

Why doesn't dating ever work out for me?

Why didn't my boss think I was good enough?

Why am I lacking so much motivation?

Why don't I like school right now?

What is going on??

And my tired heart, begs me to go to sleep and wake up in 15 years when everything is perfect (don't worry, I know it won't be).

To run away to another country.

To step right out of this life and into a new one.

But my pounding head says,

You can do it.

If you don't stick this through, you'll never see all the beautiful, wonderful, amazing things that lie ahead.

Don't give up.

p.s. sorry i've been a boring blogger lately... obviously a lot has been going on. but i have returned :)

ebay, desk chairs, and dogs, oh my!

shirt: Gap, skirt: Anthropologie, shoes: American Eagle, necklace: gift
picture by Abi

Right now is one of those times when my head is full of things to say, but I feel like I can't write about them here. Kinda not as fun when you know exactly who will be reading everything... right? Ha. But since when was this a journal anyway? I can write about my thoughts there. Or write about them in my letter to my friend Rachel. Because she totally cares. 

Did I tell you all what happened to me at work the other day? I'm fairly certain I didn't.

I was sitting at a desk in the upstairs office, entering information into eBay. (yes, that is part of my job. i'm sure you are envious.) Well, I had been there for a while, so after a bit I stretched out my legs. As I did this, I hit something with my foot! And a DOG RAN OUT FROM UNDER MY DESK. 

A dog.

I have no idea how it got there, or how long it had been there. 

As you can imagine, I was shocked.

p.s. would anyone like to pack my room up for me?

turning tables

Tomorrow I start work at my OTHER job. The one where I'm usually bored, and have more than enough time to write to you all. I need to have a good attitude about it, ok? This week will be terrible if I am in a bad mood the whole time. I need to forget about the happiness of EFY... where it's ok to dance whenever you want, and sing, and act like a complete dork... and be happy with my normal everyday office job. That won't be hard, right? ha.

My favorite thing about the office job is that I get to work with my mom. Have I ever told you that? My uncle owns the business, and my mom manages the employees. It's really great working with her, because she's kinda my best friend... but it gets a little sketch when she tries to boss me around. I'm working on it... don't judge.

Anyway, here's to coming back to real life and loving it. More time with friends and family is always a plus. And... I have a couple fun excursions coming up this weekend and next week that I am ecstatic to tell you about. So cross your fingers this week goes fast!

oh, just laughing at a story about my friend haley. have a fun filled week!

p.s. if you could have any talent, what would it be? mine would be dancing... or playing an instrument.

like you always do

My Thoughts Right Now

EFY is really pretty cool.

I kind of love being an EFY counselor.

Sometimes I find it weird that I'm a real person.

I hope nobody comes into work today so I can continue doing nothing.

Please please please little EFY children... stay on the right path.

I'm loving the counselors that I work with.

Late night phone calls.

Dancing with people you have a crush on.

How fun next week is going to be with my sisters. All of us together at EFY... get ready for awesome.

Hair colors.

Farmer's tans.and the fact that i have one now.

Toms. and the fact that i also have a tan line from them.

EFY EFY EFY.

The fact that I had an awesome blog post for you all to be pondering this week but Blogger deleted it and I'll post it tomorrow.

K bye.

p.s. sometimes I am so ridiculously... OBVIOUS.

on the radio

Here's the deal. I don't get angry... not really very often anyway. Very few things can put me over the edge, and those who know me well can probably name a couple of them. The first being - when I'm absolutely ridiculously hungry. I can't help myself. I want food, and I want it now! The second - cleaning. Sometimes when I am cleaning, I get super grumpy. Don't bother talking to me, I probably won't respond. I will however, clean whatever I am cleaning to the best of my ability. Which is good of me.

Today I discovered a new catalyst for my own anger. And this is when I am at work. I have the lovely task of boxing up and shipping the product that we sell to people. I'm actually not bad at it, I consider myself accurate and efficient. (I don't mind bragging about this apparently...) I just ship ship ship away, all morning long. And usually around lunch time, I'm about done with the morning shipping. This is good, because this is when my hunger kicks in, and if you read the above paragraph... you know what happens then. So, when I am shipping, and it's lunch time, and the pile of shipping keeps growing due to the salesmen upstairs... You can imagine my wrath. One one hand, I'm hungry. On the other, I'm trying to get a job done, and other people are hindering it. So I fly into a frenzy of anger, and feel like punching anyone who dares put another box on the shipping table right in the face.

I have never punched anyone in my life, and therefore, have very good self-control.

but there you have it. how to get me angry.

Happy Tuesday!

p.s. do you ever have those moments when you realize, "oh, this is real life?" those moments scare me a little.

the office

People are funny. If you are really quiet, you can hear the most entertaining things sometimes. For instance, the other day at work:

Coworker 1: Are you going down to the other building?

Coworker 2: ... Yes.

Coworker 1: Oh good, will you please go get this toner for me?

Coworker 2: Uhh, I think we have one on the shelf...

Coworker 1: Oh, really? I didn't see it. Maybe I was wrong, I'll go check.

Coworker 2: Yeah, you should do that.... I wasn't really going down to the other building.

Coworker 1: What?

Coworker 2: I thought maybe you wanted to go down there to play a game of basketball... 

p.s. there's just something good about a person who enjoys tomatoes and avocados.