just me before we met

I'm back.
And this time, I mean for real.
It's over, folks. The most wonderful summer in the world is coming to a close.
EFY has come to an end, and it is a melancholy time in my life.
Half of me is overjoyed, ecstatic, leaping to be back to my own world.
The other half is curling up slowly with sadness, because such a good thing has ended.
But really, I think the excited part will win out.
There is so much in my life to be excited for.
Did I tell you I'm going to Disneyland in a week?
Did I tell you I'm moving back to Logan in three?
Did I tell you anything?
I think not.
I haven't been around for a few months.
I'll tell you everything now.
I'm back.

p.s. stay tuned for lightning storms and country dancing.

every one of us

photo by Abi. it's a picture of me.

So many songs are always playing in my head...
          Maybe that's what being an EFY counselor does to you?
                        It certainly makes me dance whenever I hear music.
                                     And consider everything as a serious teaching moment.

What can I do?

Sometimes EFY is really hard for me.

I look around and see all of these amazing people that I work with, and I can't help but think "Why can't I be as good as them?"

They are so much better.

And on goes the battle in my soul.

One side telling me I can't measure up to some people. Just not as talented. Not as nice. Not as smart. Not as beautiful. Not as spiritual. Not as helpful. Not as funny.

And the other side yelling, kicking, screaming at me.

Telling me I have all the potential in the world.

If I would just put in the effort. 

But where, oh where, do I start?

p.s. i wore a long skirt today. and i loved it.

i'm a rocketeer

Here are my thoughts at this moment. And some pictures to gaze upon.

1. Last night I build a fort with my friend Lauren. It was a really big one. We fell asleep in the middle of watching Tangled inside of it, and let me tell you... the best sleep ever is sleeping after EFY.

2. I am completely obsessed with Sperry's now. Must. Have. Them.

3. My group at EFY this past week was absolutely amazing. I have never seen kids change that much over one week, or love each other so much after one week. Good week.

4. I'm so tired. Even though I slept like 12 hours last night.

5. I have decided to re-read Harry Potter by the end of the summer. This gives me a little more than a month. Factor in all of my EFY time and vacation time... We'll see if I get there. And not to be annoying by saying the same thing everyone else is saying these past few days but... I love Harry Potter. So. Much.

6. Well... back to my normal job for a week. Wish me luck.

7. And congrats to my friend Lyndsay who is getting married on Thursday! And guess who is a bridesmaid? That's right.  Yours truly. If you're lucky, I'll post pictures :)

Ok, bye.

p.s. any recommendations on good music out there?

bake n' shake

Hello everyone! Didja miss me? Never fear, I wasn't far away. Simply being the best counselor at EFY imaginable.

Just checking in today to say that this morning I ate something strange.

See, my co-counselor Josh is under the impression that bacon makes everything taste better.

He is obsessed with trying the Bacon Shake at Denny's. (does that really exist? I submit that it does not.)

So we were thinking of other foods to put bacon in/on. 

Pasta

Cake

Donuts

Macaroni and Cheese

Jello

Hot Chocolate

Cream pies

Etc.

So this morning, I am happily eating breakfast with my lovely children, and Josh appears with a two bowls.

These bowls were filled with Jello and banana pudding. And both bowls had a lovely sprinkling of bacon on them.

Did I try it? 

You bet I did.

Did I throw up?

Almost.

Hope you're having a wonderful week!!

p.s. i am going to miss the people this week SO MUCH.

everyday of our lives

So somehow, after a long and beautiful and oh so relaxing vacation to the west coast (my favorite place in the world), I am back in Utah.

In Salt Lake City, to be more exact. 

And at the moment, sitting in a dorm room, on a slightly stiff bed, leaning against a lumpy pillow.

What can this mean? You are asking yourselves.

Why would you be in a dorm room in Salt Lake City?

Well everyone, I'm back at EFY. Only this time, not in Logan.

And I'm THRILLED to be here.

Have I told you much about EFY? Maybe you don't know what it is.

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

EFY is an acronym for Especially For Youth.

So basically, EFY is a summer camp, for the youth of our church ages 14-18.

I spend all week dancing like a crazy person, smiling a lot, and teaching the kids about our religion.

Helping them gain a testimony of everything. Helping them understand why the standards are important.

And let me tell you, it is THE most rewarding job I have ever had.

I love the way I can see the change in their lives, as they realize the importance and truth of our gospel. 

So, yep. That's what I'm doing this week.

Any questions? Let me know.

Have a wonderful Monday!

this is me being a counselor. it's from last year. so i'm a little slow on uploading current pictures from my camera... so what?

p.s. when i feel awkward i pull on my hair. just fyi.

love comes back

Since it's been a while, here's an excerpt from my letter to my lovely friend Jenna Colvin.

Today I sang. I sang in front of the whole 400+ kids at EFY and the counselors too. I sang my heart out. I smiled. I forgot about being afraid. And it was oh, so good.

And just a reminder that, you know, I am somebody. I have potential to be great. And I’m just wasting my talents if I don’t get up there and sing… and from the scriptures we can see that wasting your talents is definitely frowned upon. So here goes trying to be so much better. I’m just filled with desire to be extraordinary!! So now, I should write down some goals I suppose. Make it happen. 

I love EFY a lot. A lot a lot. I feel like sometimes I get more out of it than the kids do. And basically this week I was just filled with the desire to be better! Starting with volunteering myself to sing in front of everyone and face my fear and listening to a great lesson on goal setting, and ending with being the best DJ at the Friday dance that anyone could have imagined. (ha ha... but really!) I tried to do the best I could, even though I felt shockingly inadequate to be a BC. And I think I learned a lot about myself this week. I have a lot that I can work on, but that doesn't mean I'm not doing my best right now. Who knew I could step up and be a leader? Here's to untapped potential...

p.s. my DJ rapper name is shor-t rose. don't forget it.

timing is everything

Today I packed all of my stuff back into my suitcase (not very nicely, I might add), stuffed it in my car, and drove to my grandparent's church. I listened to them speak on their testimonies, and how they love missionary work while sitting next to a little boy I had never met. This is because I got there late. Then I rushed to their house and prepared a bunch of food that I had 15 minutes to eat.

And now I'm in Logan. Working at EFY again. This week I have the honor of being a Building Counselor. This means that I have a group of counselors to work with instead of a group of children. The transition is a hard one for me... If you read my last post, you know how much I love the children. But it's just for this week, and I'm excited to experience something new. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I am sleeping in a teeny tiny dorm room. It's like Harry Potter... but worse because the lights don't really work, and the walls are cement.

p.s. I forgot my pajamas this week. What next?

heart to heart

Ok, remember that post I was going to post a couple weeks ago but blogger deleted it and i haven't posted it because i'm just simply too lazy sometimes? Well, even though I should be dead asleep right now, I am going to post it. Because I really can't have this weighing on my conscience any longer. So here it goes. Basically, last summer a building counselor asked me to write down why I was an EFY counselor. So I did, and here it is, for your personal viewing.

Why I Am An EFY Counselor

I love the gospel. I know that it is true. I know that if I didn't have the gospel in my life, I would be lost. When I came to EFY as a participant, I had a testimony. I knew that the church was true, but what I didn't completely understand back then was how important that knowledge is. I didn't understand how amazing the gospel is, or what it does for me. I assumed that my Heavenly Father loved me, and that I was a daughter of God, but it hadn't really impressed me yet. I believed that Heavenly Father heard and answered my prayers, but I didn't realize the comfort that could bring, knowing that he WANTED to hear and answer my prayers. I went to church and listened to my teachers, but I didn't apply anything to my life. After EFY, it was like the gospel truly came to life for me. I had a greater identity, and sense of purpose because I realized the importance of the gospel, and what it is truly about. It's about the love that our Father in Heaven has for us, and the opportunity He is giving us to live here and learn and come back to Him. The opportunity to become like Him. EFY taught me that it takes effort to get back to Him, but it also taught me how to do it. Searching the scriptures, obeying the commandments, praying, loving others. It taught me to be a better person! My goal as an EFY counselor is to make sure that the youth entrusted to me go home knowing why they are here. That they all have a purpose, and that they are SO loved by their Heavenly Father. I want each of them to know that He wants them back, and I want to show them how to get there. If I help one person this whole summer understand their worth and purpose, that is enough. I know that this gospel is true, and I love sharing it with these youth. I love them so much, and I wan them to know, with ALL of my heart, that they are children of their Heavenly Father who loves them. That is why I am a counselor.

p.s. if you are in the market for a sweet kitten, let me know.

wonder of wonders

Ok, someday for real I will honestly post that post that I was supposed to post last week. But as of right now my computer battery is going to run out soon, and the little tiny dorm room I am staying in has all of three outlets. Each of which cannot hold my mac charger because they are in the ceiling and the charger is heavy and falls out.

So yeah... just chillin in my room, watching EFY kids go through the line outside in the rain and hearing their happy chatter. They are about to have the best week of their lives, no big deal. In the mean time, texting my sisters who are coming to EFY this week is keeping me entertained and I SO cannot wait to party it up with them. They are going to think I'm the coolest sister ever. If they didn't already... of course they did.

This week is going to rock. A lot. I can just feel it.

(hopefully i didn't just jinx myself...)

p.s. totally forgot to bring a towel with me... so that was awesome.

like you always do

My Thoughts Right Now

EFY is really pretty cool.

I kind of love being an EFY counselor.

Sometimes I find it weird that I'm a real person.

I hope nobody comes into work today so I can continue doing nothing.

Please please please little EFY children... stay on the right path.

I'm loving the counselors that I work with.

Late night phone calls.

Dancing with people you have a crush on.

How fun next week is going to be with my sisters. All of us together at EFY... get ready for awesome.

Hair colors.

Farmer's tans.and the fact that i have one now.

Toms. and the fact that i also have a tan line from them.

EFY EFY EFY.

The fact that I had an awesome blog post for you all to be pondering this week but Blogger deleted it and I'll post it tomorrow.

K bye.

p.s. sometimes I am so ridiculously... OBVIOUS.

somebody told me

Tomorrow afternoon, I will get in the car, pick up my little cousin and his friend, and drive to Logan, UT. This will be the beginning of many trips back to Logan. All so I can teach the gospel to the youth of our church. I am so excited, but secretly dying of nerves as well. This was possibly the best experience of my life when I did it last year, and I can't wait to jump back into it for this summer. But there is always that nervous feeling of not knowing what to expect! Will I have any crazy kids? Will I know what to say to them? Will I be a good teacher? Will I be the "cool counselor?" Will I be able to show them the most important thing in the world, and make them understand how much they need it? 

I can't wait to try.

p.s. my little sister abi is trying her hand at photography. Click here to see her lovely photos of yours truly. (that's me!)

a case of bad driving

Today I walked into my EFY Counselor Interview an hour late. Do you want to know how this happened? Silly readers, you should know me well enough by now to know you won't get the details. It involved leaving on time, being blinded by the sun, and getting stuck in traffic. That's all I'm telling you. I played through twenty levels of Unblock Me on my new iTouch before the eight, that's right, EIGHT, interviewers exited the room. I marched right up to them and explained my situation. They smiled sympathetically and two of them took me into a room for my own private interview. It was good, I was enthusiastic, and they asked questions. They asked me to share a scripture I thought the youth should know, and teach them why it was important. I chose Joshua 1:9, which may seem redundant since it was last summer's theme scripture, but it has been my favorite since high school. 

And now I realize, I haven't been taking my own advice. I sit here blogging about it like I know what I'm saying, I send friends and family out into the world believing my words. And what does it really mean? It means nothing. Because I can't even believe it myself. I've turned right back into my high school self before the scripture. I'm in front of you, smiling, but I'm inside my invisible box. The shield I hold around myself to keep me from feeling anything important. I took it down for a while there, but the effort was too much, and it's been back up ever since that chilly October night when I promised myself that I didn't care.

And now it's time for the box to be destroyed.

I need to take yoga again.

p.s. Carli, I still have a bandana that you gave me at girls camp. Do you want that back?

butterflies and hamsters

Last night while I was laying in bed, thinking about everything, I had a dreaded thought. Have I become one of those girls who doesn't know what she wants?! All summer I heard boy after boy (EFY counselors) complain to me about how they liked so and so (girl EFY counselors) but she just doesn't know what she wants. I always felt bad for them, because a girl who doesn't know what she wants is a girl who isn't going to give you what you want. And then I felt lucky that I was a girl who did know what she wanted, and I was dating him at the time.
Anyway, I had that thought. Maybe I've become that.
And then a memory surfaced.
I was back in freshman year, picking at my dinner with a sick feeling in my stomach. I kept replaying it over and over in my head. He held my hand he held my hand he held my hand. My stomach twisted. He was coming over again tonight! What should I do? Utter panic. My phone vibrated. Ah... Alex. He wants me to come upstairs. I glance around at my roommates, and then stand up from my stool and head to the door. "Where are you going?" asks Lyndsay. I tell her I'm just going upstairs to visit Alex for a little, but I'll be back. The thing is, I never came back. He was downstairs with my roommates watching American Idol, waiting for me, and I never had the guts to go back. I was sitting upstairs with Alex on the couch, talking about anything and everything, watching American Idol, playing with their illegal hamster, and completely ignoring my phone as it went off over and over again. That was rude of me. But I had that feeling of something new and exciting in my stomach now, and that was when I knew what I wanted.
And I realized as I had this memory, that I do know exactly what I want.

p.s. I need to take a break from my blog until Friday. Sorry, I'm just too addicted, and I have to write eight more essays.

justice will be served

You know, I'm probably one of the luckier people out there. (Hopefully saying that doesn't jinx me...). This past summer, when I was at EFY, I remember just feeling so happy I was about to explode! Pondering on that one day, while I sat on the chilly cement watching my kids study scriptures, I suddenly became afraid. It's not fair that I could have so much happiness. What did I do to ever deserve feeling this good all the time? Something bad will probably happen to me soon to make up for it.
Nothing bad is happening to me. I get stressed out, sure. I have like 10 papers to write that I've been procrastinating over the whole semester. So what? Who cares? I'll write them, and then it will be Christmas vacation. That's nothing to throw a fit about. I have to pay for next semester. So what? Who cares? I'll pay for it, and eventually be able to buy myself some food. I feel like I have nothing to wear. So what? Who cares? I have a billion things in my closet that are perfectly fine.
Is it SO WRONG that I happen to think my biggest trial is how I am going on way too many dates and meeting way too many cute, nice, spiritual, great boys who would love to take me out again and again? And for some reason I can't get it in my head to fall for ANY of them?
Just kidding. 
Or am I?

p.s. I'm kicking myself for not inventing better things to write about in my 100th post. I can think of at least five more things that would have made that poll more interesting. Of course you would all choose my thoughts on boys. so predictable.

made it.

Well, just got back from my last week of EFY!

I can't believe it! Six weeks really flew by. I'm pretty sure it was the best experience of my life! I love all of the people I got to meet, and how much I grew as a person! This really was a wonderful way to spend my summer. EFY is such an awesome program! I really hope that all the kids who go get something out of it.

Not going to lie though... I'm a little bit relieved that I'm done. It's exhausting work! I love it so much, but I'm ready for some time to myself this summer. I have some super exciting things coming up in the next few weeks! Bear Lake trip, family vacation to Washington, Disneyland, and just hanging with all of my friends until school begins at the end of August!

Yeah... I don't really have anything else to say... I just wanted to write on this blog.

Are You Real?

This week home has been so good.

I don't want it to end... but I also want to be back at EFY.

I wish I could have both! Summer is flying by....and I am loving EVERY minute.

DTR - Define The Relationship

Hey. I'm back.

Back from my third week of EFY.

Back from the craziest week of my life.

I won't bore you with the details, but I had some major life lessons to learn about discipline I guess, because that was basically my job this week. :)

Luckily I like to think that everything happens for a reason... I was stressed out of my mind this week, to the point of running into the bathroom and shedding like, four tears, for a reason.

I was also telling my favorite story to 10 girls who were screaming and laughing and sighing at just the right moments, for a reason.

I was also saying, "Oh HEEEEYY GUYS!" every time I saw any of my 22 kids for a reason.

And I went to bed every night exhausted for a reason.

Can I just say how much I love EFY? I know that's all I talk about anymore... but I'm obsessed. It's amazing. I'm learning so much, and it amazes me how much I am able to love these kids that I only know for a week.

It's nice to be home though :) It's nice to be with people I've known for more than a week.

Life is awesome.

Counsly Crazers

I am officially a Counsly Crazer. (A Crazy Counselor, but sometimes the words get mixed up at 5 in the morning... just ask my new friend April haha)

I have had the best summer ever so far! It's ridiculous how happy I've been.

It's almost unfair.

Why am I so blessed with happiness? I've met kids who come from truly hard hard lives, and all I can think is, I have never gone through that. And most likely with some of it, I never will.

I am so blessed.

So lucky.

So loved.

I've learned so much this past year about choices. Choices change your life. One small choice can put you in a whole other direction than where you were headed before. I'm so glad that I chose to go out of my comfort zone and apply to be an EFY counselor. I'm so glad I filled out those papers and rode the bus to Nauvoo. I'm so glad I decided to just be myself, all the time, and find out what could happen... Life is better than it has ever been!

I'm drinking it up now... who knows what is around the corner.

Ah, Life.

Change Me

I just had my first week of EFY.

It was amazing.

I can't even explain the rush I get from teaching the gospel.

I had the cutest girls and boys in my company. They were all amazing, and so filled with the spirit.

I am sad that they are gone.

I can't wait for next week.

I LOVE being a counselor, teaching, feeling the spirit, reading the scriptures, taking pictures, making new friends, trying new things, dancing like a dork, singing at the top of my lungs, and knowing that I am where I am supposed to be :)

XOXO,

Madeline

Guess What Guys?

only THREE MORE WEEKS until summer!!

Can I tell you how excited I am?

No, I can't tell you. Because my excitement is greater than words.

I am going to have so much fun this summer. A trip to Nauvoo, being an EFY Counselor, going to the beach, and hanging out with friends every day!!

I am loving this warm weather. It's hard to keep my head in school right now.

I can't even think what to write on this blog that no one reads because my head is so s c a t t e r b r a i n e d and all I can think about is efy music and sunlight and cute clothes and summer nights and I just need to focus on school but that is simply not possible right now so I am telling the blogging world that I will probably fail all my tests because I might go outside and sit on the grass and soak up the sun and forget all about going to class.

Summer....