no trouble in paradise

Tonight I was at Kjarinda's house, just you know, chillin... watching some tv shows. (doesn't really matter what they were.)

And we got to talking about our amazing trip coming up in March for Spring Break.

Because, yes, that's right, we are going to HAWAII.

I have never been, so this is a big deal to me.

It was so exciting thinking about all the fun we have in store for our futures. And honestly, the fun doesn't end there. Both of us have amazing 2012's coming up. It's so great to have a plan for almost the whole year. 

The great thing is, we know that we start school next week. We know that we are going to Hawaii in March. We know that my birthday is in April (which we also know my friends are going to throw a HUGE party for... right friends?? :) ) We know that we will be on the same team for EFY this summer as BC's. We know that we will go back to school in the fall. Me, for my last semester EVER. And we know that Christmas will come, yet again. ;)

But the even better thing is what we don't know.

We don't know what our classes will bring, or who we will meet, or what choices we'll make. We don't know what is going to happen in our day to day lives.

And I think I've mentioned this quite a few times on this blog... I love the unknown. 

I love feeling on the edge of something new, and not knowing where life will take me.

So, bring on this new year. The fancy trips and busy summers.

But throw in a lot of unexpected surprises now and then too.

could this be real life?!?

p.s. mission impossible was so good. so. good. mmmm... i have SUCH a desire to be a secret agent you guys, it's kind of embarrassing.

end of semester boredom? strange.

look! i finished my very first half gallon of milk this semester! it didn't even go bad! woo hoo!

All I have been doing lately is telling stories.

I'm sorry, is that annoying?

When I first started this blog, that's basically all it was.

I hardly ever told what was happening in my real life.

But you know, writing about real life is just as fun sometimes.

So I hope you don't mind my stories, I'll try to make it an even balance... I just have a lot of good ones lately.

This week is so strange to me. I can hardly believe it's the last week of classes.

And due to what I posted about the last two days... I've been basically dying of boredom.

There's only so much homework and studying you can do in a day, you know? (and by that I mean, no homework at all, what?)

So for that reason, I'm pretty excited to have a long and much needed break.

(I am so so serious about the dying of boredom thing. Anyone want to hang out?)

But the end is getting closer.

And closer. 

As I was gently reminded as I walked out of my class of death last ESL class of the semester.

Into the bitter cold.

Wearing my shark sweatshirt. Because what else would I wear?

Bring it on, school. Bring it on.

uhh... I take that back actually. if you could go easy on me, School, that would be much appreciated.

p.s. girls just wanna have fun is stuck in my head. really. stuck there.

you. are. loved.

via

"See you guys later!" I called as I got out of the car.

I walked across the grass to my house, feeling oh, so tired.

Climbing up the stairs, I crossed my fingers that the door would be open.

And as I pressed down on the cold metal handle, I thought to myself that I felt sad.

I felt sad and I was ok with it, which is a rare thing in itself.

Usually I'll do anything to push that feeling away.

But I pressed the handle down, and for a moment, I let myself feel everything. Every little thing.

Things fall apart.

I read a book called that my senior year of high school.

I remember loving the book.

I don't remember the details of what it was about.

Anyway, it's true, isn't it? Things definitely do fall apart.

It happens suddenly sometimes.

Gradually, other times.

And usually I bounce back fairly quickly.

But I don't know what will happen this time.

Honestly, you guys, I cannot remember a time in my life that has been like this.

Where EVERYTHING is falling apart.

Nothing is going according to plan.

And I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, and I'm not doing a bad job.

I can see that things will work out in the future.

But right now...

Those thoughts.

Those creeping achy thoughts.

Why doesn't dating ever work out for me?

Why didn't my boss think I was good enough?

Why am I lacking so much motivation?

Why don't I like school right now?

What is going on??

And my tired heart, begs me to go to sleep and wake up in 15 years when everything is perfect (don't worry, I know it won't be).

To run away to another country.

To step right out of this life and into a new one.

But my pounding head says,

You can do it.

If you don't stick this through, you'll never see all the beautiful, wonderful, amazing things that lie ahead.

Don't give up.

p.s. sorry i've been a boring blogger lately... obviously a lot has been going on. but i have returned :)

gotta keep your head up

Well, I don't know quite what to say...

Because honestly, I shouldn't be saying anything. 

I have a delightful presentation to be working on and it's due in a few hours.

no worries.

(and by delightful i mean i hate it.)

Anyway, 

the weather is nice today,

and i got a new jacket.

so things are definitely looking good so far.

if i could just go to sleep,

and wake up tomorrow having completed my project and got off work for the weekend...

pretty sure my life would be perfect.

k, talk to ya later.

and... i read this right after i wrote this post. wonderful. quote via

p.s. last chance to vote!! (and still a little offended that being sick of my blog is in second place... you guys are joking, right?)

without love, life is like the seasons with no summer... or fall?

can you see it? fall?

I woke up this morning with my stomach in all sorts of knots.

Thinking thinking thinking.

This will be the death of me.

But no need to worry.

The beautiful fall weather has just about arrived here in the gorgeous city of Logan.

Walking on campus the other day, I looked up into the branches of a tree and saw little spots of yellow on the leaves.

There it was, right in front of me! The change that autumn brings.

And let me tell you,

all I want to do lately is lay on the grass under the trees, under the stars, anywhere.

I just want to lay, and look, and soak it all in.

Sometimes that's all you need in life, right? Just a little time to slow down.

And right now, while the air is still warm, yet slightly crisp, is the perfect time.

Relax.

Enjoy the stars. Enjoy the leaves. Enjoy the grass.

Everything will be ok.

p.s. what's your favorite thing about fall?

i can't help falling in...

yesterday, i woke up, meandered to the bathroom, washed my face, put on make-up, was in the process of doing my hair... when suddenly i heard my roommates leaving the house.

"what time is it?" i wondered.

almost 9:00 a.m. my phone answered.

"Oh," i thought, "my class starts at 9. not 9:30 as i had thought when i woke this morning."

this is the second time this has happened.

yesterday, standing in the student center with my friends, i became bored.

it's hard when they speak spanish to each other.

or about spanish things.

how am i supposed to understand? and besides, i was hungry.

so i turned on my heel and started walking away, figuring they would follow.

they did.

braden said, "don't be grumpy."

i said, "i'm sorry, i'm grumpy when i'm hungry."

...and when i don't understand conversations, apparently.

yesterday, i was in walmart. 

we found some black jeans.

my friend needed to try them on.

there was no dressing room attendant and the doors were locked.

so he hid behind a wall, while i stood guard, and he changed.

then the attendant returned.

"I'm sorry," she said, "i had to go over to the returns area."

"that's just fine," i said, "no need to worry. it was funny."

"it wasn't funny!" tanner exclaimed from his new dressing room.

yesterday was a good day.

i wanted to go to this.

p.s. i should get out of bed now...

i'm signing autographs later

I could do awkward and awesome today. No problem. But all I really want to show you is awesome. Because yes, folks. That is me at 1:18 in that video. Being tossed in the air over and over again because what? USU was winning? That's right. I'm the one waving my arm in the air. I was waving at my dad across the stadium. Anyway, enjoy. This is my 15 minutes of fame. (and hello... Aggies Run Over Weber State? Doesn't that make you beam with joy? I'll answer that for you. Yes.)

p.s. It is a BEAUTIFUL fall day.

sometimes...i take the elevator.

yes, this is my house. the famous nottingham house. more pictures to come.

Let's hear it for another Awkward and Awesome Thursday! Courtesy of this lovely lady. Check out her blog, she may or may not be my idol.

Awkward:

- Sometimes the Institute of Religion on my campus REALLY wants us to sign up for a class. So they put a big bowl of candy next to the sign ups. So, I like institute, and decide I want to check out what classes they are offering. And then I grab a bunch of candy, because I deserve it. And as I turn around, one of the teachers says hi, and asks to shake my hand. So, I have my notebook in one hand, and candy in the other... what should I do? Well, probably drop the candy would be the best bet. And then pick it up after he leaves.

- Walking up the very steep hill to school from my house. And when I feel like I can't go on any longer, so I make weird faces, because that makes me feel better. No one else notices... I'm sure.

- After walking up the steep steep hill, cutting through the parking garage to take the elevator. And when the elevator stops going up, you start getting out and almost bump into a man, because it's actually only at the second floor. And then the man wants to talk to you. And then he wants to walk to class with you. And this man is straight out of 1985, mullet, unbuttoned shirt showing chest hair and all.

- Bumping elbows with people when you share an arm rest in class.

- Going to class at 9:30 on Tuesday, and not realizing that your class actually started at 9. In fact, not even realizing it until Wednesday. Oops.

Awesome:

- Wearing a fanny pack on the first day of school. Yep, I did that. 

- My house, that rocks. Because it has so much space. And because it's cute and old. I PROMISE I will blog pictures of it someday. The one at the top is good for now, right?

- Starting an exclusive Pinterest Club with your friends. Good food every Saturday? Yes, please.

- Playing pogs in the middle of the quad on campus. Thank you girl who walked by and told us how awesome we are. You are welcome to play with us some time.

- My university. Because as I was walking down the sidewalk yesterday, I happened upon a group of people with two huge horses. They were advertising free horseback rides. My only regret is that I didn't take them up on their offer. This is because I was late for class... but still.

- Playing a prank on friends that involves myself and a couple other people taking our friends shirts. And then instigating a games night, where we all show up wearing the shirts. And then watching the friends figure out what was going on. It was good. That's all.

So there you go, awkward? yes. Awesome? yes.

p.s. it's almost the weekend!!

with my freeze ray i will STOP the world

On Saturday morning, I found myself with quite a few of my good friends, watching the Utah State vs. Auburn football game. It was a heartbreaker. I almost cried when it looked like we had won it, no questions asked. And then sat numbly as I watched Auburn have miracle after miracle, and win in the last three minutes.

Needless to say, our little group was the picture of devastation.

However... the truth of the matter is, half of the group was preoccupied with this awesome little thing called Pinterest for nearly half the game...

Yes, I have become one of THOSE people.

Kjarinda, Jaron and I could hardly tear our eyes away from the "Food and Drink" section. So many delicious things! Is it lunch time yet?

And then we had an idea.

Why don't we make the things we see on Pinterest?

Why don't we do it every week?

Why don't we have a Pinterest Party every Saturday?

So, with our spirits considerably brightened (only the three of us. Matt and Braden were still crying a little bit.) we headed to the grocery store to grab ingredients.

We traveled to Kjarinda's to make these delectable cookies, found on Pinterest of course. They were lovely chocolate chip cookies, with OREO'S ON THE INSIDE. And we threw in some chocolate chip cookies with marshmallows inside for good measure.

And after making a huge mess, we had the final project.

this is what pinterest showed us.

this is what we made. the oreo ones.

Basically, they were delicious. 

However... who knew that if you put real marshmallows in cookies, the marshmallows disappear? I guess it's important to read recipes sometimes... just in case.

And the moral of the story is, we are now an exclusive club. We even signed a contract.

Want to join? We'll hold a council and decide if you're worthy. 

But for now, the five of us are the Power Rangers.

p.s. Pinterest Day posts will become a once a week thing. Get excited.

are you entertained? because I sure am.

Hey, I'm back. Do you know what this means??

You got it. I have internet at my house. 

Do you know what else this means? 

I have a lot to catch up on!

This is seriously like having to catch up in your journal. I find it super annoying... but I'll do my best. Basically the past week has been awesome. 

And that's all you need to know.

ha ha. 

just kidding.

 I guess I'll just start by telling you what I did for Labor Day.

I went to Bear Lake.

With some awesome friends.

We had a talent show. Haley blew a bubble inside a bubble. Matt was impressed.

Matt built an awesome sand castle. It pretty much should have won an award.

So yeah, those were the highlights of that trip.

And then today at school, I watched this video. Which was hilarious to me. Has anyone else seen it? Do you think it's funny?

And then we did something even cooler after class.

That's right. We played Pogs.

Confession... I didn't know what pogs were until like two weeks ago.

How did I miss that?

No wonder I wasn't popular in elementary school...

p.s. what did you do for labor day?

in a land far far away

Let me tell you a story, it goes a little like this:

Once upon a first week of school, there was a girl named Madeline. She lived in a cute little brick house, all covered in vines, with her best friend Haley. Every morning, Madeline woke up to go to school. She had to trek up a HUGE hill, and that made her really tired and hot, and sometimes... *gasp* sweaty. Madeline took random classes. She had a class all about health, which was a lot like what she learned about in eighth grade. But after health, she got to take a fun class called Zumba. This class combined Madeline's terrible coordination and dance skills, and put them together in an amazing display of awkwardness. But Madeline liked it anyway. She didn't mind being awkward. Sometimes Madeline went to fun activities on campus. She especially liked it when there was a concert and a dance at the same time, and she got to hang out with all of her fun EFY friends and dance the night away. Madeline had really awesome friends. She went to a really awesome school. She was basically living the dream... except for a couple things...

1. I seem to have misplaced my debit card... AHH!
2. I don't quite have a job.

To be continued...

p.s. i think it's time for me to leave the library... k, bye.

bored in the library.

So, this one time, I didn't have internet and it was SUPER ANNOYING.

That's pretty much all I have to say.

p.s I really need a job.

it's 10:30, and i'm done with school for the day...

Frankly, the universe is against my little blogging fingers lately. And so, in a last attempt to thwart the universe, I am awkwardly blogging in the very public library on campus at Utah State University. Hello, you library people! Why are you here? It's the first day of school! You can still get some relaxation! Oh, you don't have internet at your house yet? Just like me? Fancy that.

The most devastating part about the no internet situation is that I cannot post pictures of my absolutely lovely and darling house. Haley and I have fallen in love. In love with the archways over the doors, and even the one in our shower. An unexpected detail in a pink tiled bathroom. In love with the dining room and kitchen, with so much space, we hardly know where to start. And with our adorable living room, a blank canvas with four couches, quite a few tables with doily adornments, two televisions, and a large fireplace. In love with the long staircase, the bottom of the railing held together by wires. The wood floors upstairs, and slanted ceilings in the bedrooms. Even quite in love with the idea that, coming into this, we had no idea who our other roommates would be, but it turns out that about half went to our high school.

What an adventure. I believe this house will be perfect.

p.s. pictures will come as soon as this internet is figured out, promise.

rock it like zooey deschanel

Before...

After...

All right everyone, what do you think? Sorry about the bad quality iphone photos. And don't you love me rockin' the blue and white stripes? Yessssssss.

I think it's FABULOUS. I'm loving the bangs. Remember how I told you all I was going to do the ombre thing? Well, I decided my hair was too short at the moment, so we're going to wait a couple inches until that endeavor. 

Happy Thursday by the way. Can you believe it? We're already almost done with the week, and I'm getting those back to school jitters! You know, the ones that make your stomach and heart seem to mix together? No? That's never happened to you?

Embarrassing...

p.s. what's your love language?

dark to light?

There are a few things on my mind today. The first is that I would really like my hair to grow faster. Because honestly, I can't stop thinking about trying out the ombre look. Quite a bit like the lovely Sydney from The Daybook. Oh, I'm sorry... did I say quite a bit? I think I meant exactly.

picture via pinterest

Maybe I'm not afraid to admit that I want to be just like her? So what, who cares? Also.. side note.. I totally have those boots, and they rock. 

Anyway, back to my hair growing... yes? no? Good look for me? Go ahead, tell the truth. I might even put on some lipstick.

The second thing on my mind is that I'm going back to Logan on Saturday. Back to school in the lovely northern Utah. Remember how I've been telling you all how excited I was to get back up there? Well... the truth is, I'm not feeling as excited anymore. The thought of schoolwork is overwhelming me, but more importantly, the thought of trekking up the hill every day. But when these thoughts hit... I chase them away with the fact that I'll be living with my BFF in the cutest house you ever did see, up and down the street from tons of my closest friends. So, what's the big deal? This year is going to be AWESOME. 

See? Look at all those goals... and this is just the beginning...

p.s. all-across bangs? Or not?
p.p.s. I'm a little worried, because I changed my URL without telling anyone yesterday, and now I feel as though all of you are lost, wondering where my blog went! (This is not because I assume you all will die without my blog, it's just because I got a few texts this morning asking where my blog was.) So anyway, tell your friends and family and pets! I'm over here. Still writing happily. And if you have a link to my blog on yours, please change the URL to www.psmynameismadeline.blogspot.com. Thanks a bunch, my dears.

the love and the laughter will live on long after

I look around at the walls, reading the words written there. I can't help but smile a little, and suddenly it strikes me that I have to preserve this. Preserve this moment and these memories. A record of my personal growth. And though my roommates laugh as I take picture after picture of every detail of the wall, I know they'll thank me later. The truth is, we couldn't have done this without each other. And every word we wrote down chronicles what we went through. I look around at my best friends, and set my camera on the arm rest of our little green arm chair. We each position ourselves in front of the wall, and on the count of three, we tear it down. A record of our journey falls to the ground in a heap of colorful construction paper, and the blank wall underneath becomes a metaphor of things to come.

A year later, I drag myself downstairs yet again to tear down a wall. This wall is bigger, full of many more thoughts and quotes. But it means a lot less to me for some reason. I feel detached as I take in the sight in front of me. White and blue, a symbol of what we have gone through again, and yet, I wasn't a part of it. Spending the whole year wishing I was in a different place, living a different life, I forgot to pay attention to what I had in front of me. And now it was all coming down in a heap of construction paper, reminding me of a happier time, and the new blank walls giving me hope of what is to come.

This year there is no paper to take down. The walls have been blank all year. And yet, as I pack my clothes into my suitcase and prepare to move home, I can't help but feel a sense of sadness. Each shirt I fold has a memory attached to the fabric. So many times I smiled, or laughed, or cried. It's all here in this room, snuggled into my bed, hung up in my closet, written in my journal, marked in my scriptures, thrown in my garbage can, placed on my dresser... all the things I will remember from this year. And it's a melancholy feeling, a bittersweet thing to clean up and look at my blank walls, and know that I have even more walls to decorate coming my way.

p.s. last night it was very hard to sleep because I was sick, and I kept coming in and out of dreams about all the bloggers that I admire... I guess I'm more obsessed than I thought.

what could've been

You know it's finals week when... I finally get the nerve to enter the library. So what if this only happens four times a year on average? I am a good student, I am a good student, I am a good student.

I probably should have picked a different place to sit. This one is offering way too much in the way of people watching. And I love making eye contact with people I am watching, that's just lovely. (It really is, if it's a cute boy...)

But let me tell you something. Today is the day I am starting to be extraordinary, so I have a good feeling that something extraordinary could happen. And I felt like the library was the perfect place to go on this lovely day. And if there is anything I have learned this year, it is to trust my feelings.

I can't wait to tell you all what happens!

p.s. if you are reading, but you aren't a follower, you should become one! I want to check out your blogs too. (I'm a little addicted to blogs lately, don't tell my mom...)

use your intuition, it's all you got

Yesterday was my last day of having nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do. Thankfully. I went to work at good ole Jimmy John's, made sandwiches all night, and then bought myself one. With EXTRA tomatoes. You know why? Because I love tomatoes. I got it from my mom... don't give me that look. If you don't like them, I'm not judging you! 

Then, I attempted to study math with a sweet kid who said he could help me. Yes folks, I have to take the math placement exam again. And after last night, I've just got a bad feeling about it. Pray for me.

Finally, I drove home in the pouring rain, and ran into my apartment where my roommates were camped out in the living room in preparation to watch the Royal Wedding. So of course, I joined them. Because what is better than waking up at 4 a.m. to watch the most boring procession in the world?? That's right! Nothing!!! (ok, and did anyone else who was watching it think to themselves, when are those children going to stop singing??? Maybe that's rude... it was 4 in the morning.)

Ahh... I love making good memories.

p.s. i am indeed headed to my last classes of the semester. hooray!

waking up is the hardest part

Yesterday I wore a yellow skirt. I went on a field trip with my fourth grade class. I told a little boy to please stop elbowing my knees and stepping on my toes. I told another little boy to stop putting his freezing cold water bottle on my head. And I had to explain over and over to another little boy that tomorrow my time was up, and I wouldn't be coming back to their class anymore. The little girls clung to my arms and legs, and asked me about my life and my family. And I stood there shivering, wishing I had worn pants, and smiling at them. Because I wonder what it will be like to be a real teacher.

And later I broke the laminating machine.

p.s. have i mentioned i love other people's birthdays more than my own? 

calling for an angel

Is something wrong with me? Is it normal to always want the easy way out? Sometimes when school or other things in life (usually school...) get stressful, I just want to quit. I just wish I could toss everything out the window, fly to Greece, and create a new identity. Why can't life be that simple? Why do I have to go to school and do homework, and talk to people, and take tests, and write papers? Why can't I just say I am going to be a teacher, and then it happens? 

And every time I start having a mental stress breakdown like this, I alway have to remind myself that it's ok. I'm going to make it. I always get everything done, and it all works out fine. 

I can do this!!

p.s. who decided that some words could sound the same, but be spelled different, and mean different things? I don't get it. There you are, eating their cake, while they're watching. Here you are, can you hear me? It just does not make sense...